Unplugged

It was pointed out to me recently - and to be fair, not-so-recently and long ago and even before THAT - but it was acknowledged recently, that I have a problem being fully present when I'm with people. This little tidbit was stated in anger wrapped in love, by someone whose opinion I value immensely and who is one of the most important people in my life. And even though it had been said before - for some reason, maybe the presentation or maybe it was just the right time for me to LISTEN to what was said instead of just hearing it - it sank in this time.

I don't have a hard time with introspection or seeing my flaws for what they are - I do, however, have a terrible track record with handling criticism of my personal shortcomings from others. Hence why it took awhile for me to understand that I actually do have an issue with this. I also have a problem with feeling disconnected - I think that's pretty common for people these days - the total freak-out-meltdown-complete worry that comes with not being able to get in touch with someone immediately or sooner. I worry that if I don't answer my phone or text I will miss an important call (someone died! someone needs help! something's wrong! - never worry that I'll miss out on something GOOD, apparently) and the world might come screeching to a halt. Anyway, the two tie together and I feel the need to immediately answer any text or phone call that comes through.

So. I don't believe there's any good in acknowledging a problem or apologizing for it if you have no intention of at least attempting to fix it. I've been working on being more present - but know there is still room for improvement. Since all of my other resolutions (give up pop! give up sweets! lose weight and fit into a bridesmaid dress is four months!) have fallen by the wayside... THIS is my hurdle to jump. I am a type of person who needs an official start date for these things and have set March 1 as the launch date. I also have to have "action steps" to really get myself going with something, so here they are:
1 - when I'm with my kids on weeknights after work, my phone/computer is pretty much off limits. Work will be the only conflicting issue here (and with basically everything else) but since I only have to be on call once every 8 weeks or so, it's not a huge deal. So if you need me before about 830p on weeknights... well, too bad.
2 - when I'm with friends/loved ones and we are intentionally spending time together, texts/calls/Facebook will wait. (those times when people are sitting around because they just have happened to land at the same place for the time being are obviously going to be flexible - ex: my sister and I at my gmas and she's on the computer and gma is watching TV...) I'm talking about putting my phone on the back burner during quality time with people.

I've been trying to practice these things even though it's not March 1 yet - and I will tell you, it's not as hard as I thought it would be. My kids notice. I've gotten positive feedback from others. It's a throwback to the "good ol' days" when you had to wait to get home and check the answering machine to know if someone had called you! Very retro. And most importantly, it puts my focus where it should be.